Sardar Encyclopedia

RECOGNIZE A SARDAR INSTANTLY *********************************** You should be sure the person is a sardar when he:

1) Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.

2) Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

3) Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

4) Tries to drown a fish in waters.

5) Trips over a cordless phone.

6) Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

7) At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."

8) Studies for a blood test and fails.

9) Sells the car for gas money.

10) Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

11) Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

12) Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor


Top 10 sardarji inventions........

1) The water-proof towel

2) Solar powered torch

3) Submarine revolving door

4) A book on how to read

5) Inflatable dart board

6) A dictionary index

7) Ejector seat in a helicopter

8) Powdered water

9) Pedal-powered wheel chair

10) Water-proof tea bag



****A sardar and his friend go to see goes to see Jurassic Park.
When the Dinosaurs start getting a little violent the sardar hides
behind the seat trembling. The friend says to the Sardar.

"kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai."
(why you hiding? it's only a movie)

Sardarji replies

"Aadmi hoon akkalmand hoon, pata hai ki cinema hai,
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"
(I'm smart enough to know that it's only a movie,
but maybe the Beast doesn't know)

HEIGHT OF BEING STUPID

***
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
University final examination. He takes his seat
in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of
inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them
out of the window. He then removes his turban and
throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks
and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed,
approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I
am only following the instructions yaar," he says,
" it says here, 'Answer the following questions in
brief'.


1.Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong
to sleep with married women.

2.Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He
was in search of a subject on which no one did any
research before! As he was thinking over it,he found
a cockroach on the table in from of him.He decided
instantly to do a research on the roach. He picked
the roach and put it in the centre of the table and said:
"Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of the roach,
put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run".
The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it
again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The roach
ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just
one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach,put it again in the
centre of the table and said: "Run".The roach could not!
Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing
his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot
hear anymore".

>3.A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he
was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway
department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the
train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was
jerking heavily.This made him not to prepare for the speech.
Annoyed by the event,next day in the meeting, his first point
towards improvement of railway department was ""There should
not be last coach in any train.""

>4.A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.After eating he goes
to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this
the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai ,"Wash
Basin".

>5.Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform for the "Punjab
Mail".As they were waiting an announcement is made about the train running
late by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will now
start at 12 noon.Since there is lots of time to kill the four sardarjis
decide to go out into the city to spend the time.When they get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the platform.So sardarjis start running desperately to board the train..One of them manages to catch the 6th boggie Another got almost the last boggie and the other two got left behind. When the two Sardarji 's who managed to get into the train met each other in one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably.They go on
laughing.laughing ...and laughing. Now the other passengers get bit curious and one of them asked the Sardarji's .... "Arre, what's so funny ? Why are you both laughing so madly? One of the Sardarji's managed to reply" Actually the two who were supposed to take this train got left behind......we .....just came to see them off !!!!!!!!!!"

>6.Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a
Sardarji,one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each
applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him,
"Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation
"The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the
same question.He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?"
The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the
interview ?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

>7.Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents
and we had to spend sleepless nights.Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a
lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he
finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn,guoooonnnnn."

>8.Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane.Everybody around greeted
her.Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat.She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder ..Balls to you."

>9.Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a
road near his house."Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! ............ The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"

> > > Sardar as the Railway Driver
One train which was going peacefully on the
rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to
the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks.
The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the
driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar
He was questioned . He explained that there
was a man standing on the tracks and he was not
moving from there even after lots of honks etc .
Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you
mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many
passengers under danger.You should have overran that person
Sardar said : Exactly, that is what I also decided, but this idiot
started running towards the field when the train came very close.
.................................................. ........................
> Exam
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for
his University final examination which consists of Y/N type
questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit
of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out.During the last few minutes, he is seen
desperately throwing the coin,swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says,
"I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I
wrote."
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Sardar's cancer
> > >
Santa Singh went to his doctor after a long
illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Santa
Singh in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have
cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to
a month." Santa Singh, shocked and saddened by the news,
but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the
doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been
waiting. Santa Singh said, "Puttar, we Surds celebrate
when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this
case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short
time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There
were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Santa Singh's old friends who asked what the
two were celebrating. Santa Singh told them that
the Surds celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that
they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends "I've only
got few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave Santa Singh their condolences and they had a couple
more beers. After his friends left, Santa Singh's son leaned
over and whispered his confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you
were dying from cancer? You just told your friends
that you were dying from AIDS!" Santa Singh said, " I am dying from cancer, puttar. I just don't want any of them around your mother after I'm gone."
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> > > Sardar's Blunders
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the
passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).
Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He started
searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of
woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a
photograph" The rest is history.
> > > He was beaten so badly that he had to be
admitted to hospital.

> > > He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed
next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to
him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and
missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a
nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the
night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow
you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether
he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up
daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" ,Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history.

> > > ------------------------------------
> > > Biography of a Sardar
> > > Read this biography of a sardar
> > > When God passed out looks,
> > > I thought He said books, and I
> didn't want any.
> > > When God passed out ears,
> > > I thought He said beers, and I
> asked for two long ones.
> > > When God passed out legs,
> > > I thought He said kegs, and I asked
> for two fat ones.
> > > When God passed out noses,
> > > I thought He said roses, and I
> asked for a big red one.
> > > When God passed out heads,
> > > I thought He said beds, and I asked
> for a big soft one.
> > > When God passed out brains,
> > > I thought he said trains, and I
> missed mine.


> > > Just a little Bit
Travelling together once were a Russian, an American & the saviour of
our nation - Sardarji!!! Each of them wanted to prove that their
country was the greatest.Said the Russian, " We have a rocket that
could touch the sky." "We dont believe it ",said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. below the sky" Not to be out done the American said, " We have a submarine that can touch the ocean-bed of the deepest part on this planet." "We don't believe it ",said the others. "Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. above the ocean-bed" Our hero with a smile on his face said, "In our country we all eat with our nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
> > >

> > > ------------------------------------------
> > > Sardar's Maruti
Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and
decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet
his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there,
he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he
finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and
asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?)
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and
said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate
hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy!)
They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)

// Once a Sardarji was enjoying a party on the tenth floor of a hotel, When a man came rushing towards him and shouting SANTA SINGH JI APKE LADKE KA ACCIDENT HO GAYA HAI Sardarji Panicked and jumped from the 10th floor .When he was decending on 6th floor he
remembered that he had no son , When he reached the 3rd floor he rememberd that he was not married
when he was just about to hit the ground he recalled that he was not even SANTA SINGH!!!!!!!

1) one fine morning a man was walking on the beach along with his four dogs.Another
man came along and asked that man the names of those dogs the man replied that
SARDAR SINGH,KARTAR SINGH,HARJEET SINGH AND HARBHAJAN
SINGH.Then the man asked "What is Your Name then?"The man Replied,"Tommy"


2) A little boy wanted Rs.100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GODa a letter requesting the Rs.100. When the postal
authorities received the letter addressed to GOD, they were so impressed, touched,
and amused that they contributed and send the little boy Rs.50.
Postal Authorities thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The
little boy was very delighted with Rs.50 and sat down to write a thank you note to
GOD, which read:
Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed
that for some reason you had to send it through Post and, as usual, those
*******s deducted Rs.50.


3) ek bar ek dost apne doosare dost ko khane par bulata hai. jab vaih vahan pahunchata
hai to dekhta hai ki darwaje par likha hai "april fool banaya". to veh kucch sochta hai
aur us par likh deta hai "main to yahan aaya hi nahin".


4) a Class teacher writes a sentence on the board" A women without her man is
nothing." & asks the students to write is with correct punctuations. The boys write
like this. "A women, without her man, is nothing. The girls like this "A woman, without
her, man is nothing.

5) You might have seen the Dev Anand mega hit film Guide'. In the film there is a
famous song 'gaata rahe mera dil...' In this song, Waheeda Rehman wears a pink
saree and throughout the song wears the same dress. So when we have a trend of
heroines changing clothes every sequence, the big question is:
Why doesnt Waheda Rehman change her saree throughout the entire song?
The answer is pretty simple...........
Coz in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings:
'Oo mere humrahi, meri bah thamen chalna,
badle duniya 'saree' tum na badalna...'

6) Bhola on the phone.......
Bhola spoke frantically on the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are
only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" Bhola shouted. "This is her husband!"